of course you would,
you must be a follower,
go kiss all that's not real,
and find me when your done
pretending, that theres something greater
out there for you and i.

when a caterpillar sees a butterfly,
does it know?

I pray you have something more interesting to show for, than the photos you pose for, post up, and quotes you copy, but in an entirely positive manner.

signed me in and told me i should post a pictures.

i can't stop thinking about stop frame videos of birds flying on strings.
and all of this german music, but not german music just german writings on
their page, and how i don't know what their saying, and the interesting photos
and artwork surrounding.

or how its raining, and the ground smells wet, and damp of thousands of years of earth.
and the crate myrtle beside my window with beads of buds trying to flower.
the candles still flicker even if i dont watch them, and it still smells wonderful in here.
its all about the crafts, and close pins, and pictures hanging from strings.

and life, and how i still see it as wonderful, even though i got pulled over last night.
you play with the nameless guy, guitar on the streets of paris, while i am here, giving my
dreams a little more time to flourish in the blooms and throws of spring, and love, and passion.

i am going to do everything in my life, at which i seek to do, and its funny because i am so positive, and determined, and almost entirely unafraid of being out on my alone. as long as i have built my nest of love, and allies. follow what the tea leaves told me.

id really like to see the hair fall around your face, and be in the palace of christmas lights and stars, little people living in each prism and break of light going into one dimension, or just being a blanket princess ruling over my warm orange blanket kingdom.

nothing can stop me, isn't that a scare to everyone else i know?!?!?

my spotless mind.

Your Daily Number: 5

You're so quick witted and restless today that you may consider taking a trip or being more social than is usually your nature. You're also prone to boredom, so look for new ways to tackle old problems. Today is wonderful for self promotion, retail, or selling anything.

Going to the store, to get some clothes pins, and possibly some beads to dress this project up a little. Says its good for me ey? yeah?

I'm REALLY going to watch eternal sunshine today,

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

-orange sunshine by freshcut. you can look up their page on myspace. its fucking beautiful!

what are we without love, or pain? what are we without wanting to forget, the every details we remember? like the smell of breath between kisses, a tonic fit only between those two people, or the end of your breathing sigh, and your laugh, or accents in your voice. that is true to you, and without you, i'd wish to forget but I blissfully remember.

my mind has spots, and patterns of ocean ripples and waves. but, if it were spotless, i'm sure it would be eternal, but the sunshine lives within the spots of my mind. And, that's eternal within itself.

• memory box.

today.. is this songs day. it's living, i'm so glad its orange, i'm so glad i am orange right now, yo kata, yo kata, yo kata.

This is me, this is now.

we need noun to be the apple of our eye.
we need something to be the vicious fruit of our labor,
not so much always a someone, but definitely a noun.

this week mine was latex liquid in a deep tangerine, plus
the cold hard fucking REAL hard iron in nails, and
pine scent in floor.
i'm pleased, I have my haven, and my blue curtains to block the world from me,
or me from the world, given the day or second in time.

i live life a second behind, and YA KNOW WHAT?
so do you, because as humans we don't realize whats happened until one (& some odd decimal)
that its happened. ah the road, how damn interesting.
so shoot me in the head with your words, arrow me through the heart with your passions, ill keep grabbing, but a second later.
i promise you that, i'm late anyways.

oh,
sorry..
roger..
you..
TIGA
NOW!!!!!!!!!!

SO I did the deed.
I painted my room orange, and I ripped up the carpet,
like I said I would! It feels so wonderful to complete a goal, I love my room too!
I havent finished organizing, and nothings on the walls, but I'm still content, I don't want it too be too busy in here like before. Its tranquil, yet surprisingly energizing.



I am beautifully happy with life right now, It could also be the drugs. But, they're working, so who cares! I am positively productive, and hardly destructive.

It smells like lemon oil in here/
pics soon to show the world!
oh, and cherry blossom adventures.

By the way,

New goal:

**~ Live In a house where I've planted 10 Cherry blossom trees to fill the ground!

i'm tired of the peace war bullshit,
do I really know the experience? of course I don't
but I do know the sympathy of childrens bones,
that deserve much more than a shallow grave,
these actions are to much of a concequence, more than
if they'd misbehaved.
All I want is inner peace, inside of me. hopefully springing like a tree,
flooding my veins, and arming me. With much more than just words,
energy, to possess, and repossess and carry on to others, who feel and
are much weaker than I. We don't need wings to fly.


~~~
thinking of going on a walk but all this is, thinking thinking thinking!
affirmative action now.

to do list: (these help with my ever racing mind!)

• To see the ocean (but not today) (p.s I have before, I just desire)
• To painters tape my room, to move in the burnt orange on my walls
• get orchids, but the fake kind to wrap around things.
• sand my floors!
• sand my dresser, and get new knobs (this is a new project even if I WONT be here for long.)
• clean my room in the first place!

I'd like to see this once again too, I remember the still quiet, of being in this place, and being followed by a fox, that thought he was too clever, with a man with ice, in his heart.

Feeling feeling...
BETTER.

Suffice it to say, that i DO NOT have the stomach flu,
after 3-4 days of death. The weirdest thing is, I can't really tell whats happened in real life with whats gone on with my dreams.

That or I'm having a hard time placing images and dates together correctly. Because OBVIOUSLY, you didn't say all you really need is water and sex and there were no monks visiting me. But, really, I was in Nirvana. I'm still not all here, but that might be all the chemicals my body naturally produces fogging me from so much sleep. I'm just happy to be better, but bummed the sun can't be out today because I feel just as bright.

I need to stop reading this lovey dovey break your heart and feel shitty blog, but its so interesting and some of the quotes just grab me like you wouldn't fucking believe.

(New artist, you like ey? yeah.. me too!)

but, I've come here to tell you that my new obsession, is Yogi tea, because it feels so personalized and the little fortunes they put on your bag, I feel like.. I'm making a toast! (to said things)

So far, I have these fortunes:
(I may just take pictures) [at some point not now.. you know me]

• Every heartbeat creates a miracle
• Dignity and tranquility last forever
• Bliss cannot be disturbed by gain or loss

I had about 5 more but, I can't even begin to know where they went... ITS NOT LIKE I'D THROW THEM AWAY. I truly appreciate them. Its such a little thing, you know? I really love the detox tea, Its got fucking black pepper in it! I have tounge and nose like a hound so I snuff out things, and that truely suprised me.

Ooooooooh HOW I Lo00uve to be inspired. and LoUve is so much better to say than love, because how many times have you told someone you Louve them? Its absolutely fabulous dahling, as I say that in my accent you love so much. That and strawburries! yes! strawburries!

i miss you when i’m not with you. do you understand that? every moment that i am not with you, my body cries for you. i need to hear your voice. my body aches for you. not necessarily sexually, although i miss that, too. my body cries for your presence, and it hurts me. i crave your touch. i crave your kiss. i crave all of you. and you are so far away.


Truth be told, these phone lines I can deal with. Of course I want to hold you, of course I want to see you everyday but just because I can’t doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on you. You don’t see it the way I do, you tell me if we’re meant to be, we’ll be together in the future. I don’t want another sad song to remind me of you. I want you to wake me up, call me, and say ‘be with me.’ Despite the distance, just be with me. I would be so happy to hear you say I love you. Planes were invented for us. Please be content with kisses over the phone. It’s not the distance that counts. It’s the love.






I can handle this love, it is a perfect love. it is right now, and it is right on time.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

WELL HELLO.
seems i have this habit, of dying off, where its much to hard to convey my brains
............, out like a radio, i'm transmitting signals making vibrations sometimes larger than myself,
but they come back to calm me down.

i'm the kind of person who severely needs their alone time.
when i do not have my alone time.. I don't even feel like myself, i can't transmit, i can't receive, and can't put colors in my skies, or colors upon my sleeves, or down to the flow of the river in my veins. I can only see the life of me splashing around, from side to side, leaving little entrails of the human presence thats almost transparent and hardly there.

so today, is my day to do nothing, for the sake of my well being. but, never literally nothing, but its me today. and only me, because i get way to lost in everyones vibrations to see which ones are my own sometimes.

on the other hand, I have 11 cats. I pray to whatever there is out there to please just.. give them good homes, with people who love kitties as much as i do.

I like these:

id like to melt into the bubbles in my bath please.

Utopian Escapist.

I like these,
I'm totally up for a new project.
To turn things upside down, or to the side or facing the sky.


Even being awake is like dreaming.
Although i'm missing one particular utopian escapist, to the
dreaming-dreaming in the land of utopia.

I like these things tonight:

(The drug models love) I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT./
all of their music.
French Vanilla coffee,
Cats. oh &

~**~~``` I couldnt resist.

N-DulGe.
iNDULGE.
in hot baths she says, so I do I SAY.


but i do say that i'm not even half way creditable to woo you, on what
it is that you'd like to be wooed. I'll stress you, and kill you slowly,
and I will be the anxiety attack of Christmas wrapping and happenings.
i'll be deviant, yet divine, and oh so kind. And so brilliant, a string strung string
strung of Christmas lights so bright. I may blind you, I am ever so confident in my
abilities, but aren't you?


!*!*!*!*~~~~~~
jap'EN jaaaaa'pn


JAPAN

where we will go to be lost, to be lost together, and so drunk, on stepping stones, and ancient thrones, lost in the waves and throws of love, and lovers, and tossing and turning, living and learning, being and becoming, one, and one another, and one with each other. because we are me, and you are we, and me is you.
lmfao.