monsters hide in cowards who hide inside of their pride who hide inside their hideous mind who hide behind four walls who hide behind one person who can see it all who hide behind saying 'it was only you who made me like this' who hide from the fact that they've had these behaviors their entire life who hide behind mother bear who hides behind liking status' on facebook who hide behind the act of being oblivious to hide behind not knowing that their seed was an emotionally abusive monster who hid behind 'well, I never punched you.. I never left any marks' who hides behind the 'you cant proove I cheated on you' who hides behind 'Well you cheated on me'

I miss you so much sometimes it hits me like when you hear bad news.
not that your bad news, but its that powerful.
i can't wait to see you, and i'd never want you to feel inferior because your not, and
my god have i loved you with my whole heart.

i have no idea at all if you love me anymore.
i hope you do. i hope that all the time,
but either way i'll see you soon.

Damn you to hell, I'll always carry you around in my heart like the pocket of my jeans.
I hate loving that so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTgxLjFOrKo

I think I saw you in my sleep, lover, I think I saw you in my dreams you were
stitching up the seams on every mangled promise that you body couldn't keep.
I think I saw you in my sleep.

more than a lot like mewithoutyou,
but i do love it. lotta la dispute and mewithoutyou these days,

wait
one question
where the hell are you?

okay now that it's passed.

its the most beautiful week in the world, and i just got a few drops of rain on my windshield last night which i can't complain from dreaming of writing in the rain and you know it kind of hurt, writing in the rain, and you knowing every thought that came to my head, and coming into this strange kitchen just to tell me you knew what i just ate, and why things hurt, and then you gave me a hug. and then i woke up, and dreamt of you again. and probably a thousand times more.

thats the summarization thought you'd care more to hear it that day, but the other fair lady is walking around and i guess in her presence i'm sort of drown out and diluted like a really bad watercolor painting.

i dont mean to seem rude, and i'm not mad..
but i do always know when she's around or when things are good between you, because there is a lot less 'goodmorning' and a lot more 'sorry sorry'

but i'm not angry, because i'll always be around. so you don't have to apologize because i won't be having to give you any forgiveness.



i've been hanging out with everyone who i haven't seen in a million years, which would be my childhood... and i forget they have always known about everything in my life so when i wear my red hat they just look at me with approval and remember the 16 year old crazy girl by the lake smoking cigarettes and messing with everything. which makes me happy, because i feel loved in every way possible. and i got to see my friend john for the first time in forever, and he is my absolute other half, and always has been since 5th grade when he made fun of me, but since then hes been a superhero saving my life and not even meaning to, jellybeans, swingsets, reds, and pictures of feet. he's maaaa soulmate always has been. its just high time he gets a boyfriend lmfao.

Dream me oh dreamer
Down to the floor
Open my hands and let them
Weave onto yours



i'm tired of howling out to you.

love me.
love me.
love me.

you look at things, and tear them apart...
and want to think that you weren't part of them but, you were. you are every part of how everything is stitched together, and where would we be without this doubt?

<3

is this real life?

no its not yes it is.

and its really strange as to how you got here from there, now from then? right? i'm not asking the questions that defile time and space, but i'm asking you to.. defile them in some spark of existence, its totally different from how you thought it'd be right?

because it is. and i will be words on a computer screen but i am a heart beating, legs shaking on another side of this universe waiting for you, and my arm are extended.. they are, i want you in every part always but i'm just a human existing and how is that different from any other one saying the same thing, but no.. i'm me i'm stephanie and i'm bright with color and exuberance and sometimes so plagued by loneliness,

i am your reader,

and you are mine, and sometimes its all that matters,

its more than what anything in this life really is.. i'm two arms extending my love to you, always.

and you are always you, and greeting me with such acceptance.

formspring.me

tell me spirit, what has been done?

you tell me, are you running free?

Ask me anything

formspring.me

If I got you pregnant on accidnt. What would you do with the baby?

i wouldn't get pregnant in the first place though.. too careful... but at 18 i dont think i'd keep it.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Can you tell who I am? What if I mention red butterflies?

It doesn't tell me who you are. but, i know who you are. because you and i both know about red butterflies.

they change lives.

Ask me anything

I want to know this time if you’re really finally mine. I need to know that you're not lying, and so I want to see you tried. And I don't want to hear you say it shouldn’t really be this way, because I like this way just fine.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/cherryblossomm

(i also wrote another entry before this)

I Will by The Beatles

Who knows how long I’ve loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will.

For if I ever saw you
I didn’t catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we’re together
Love you when we’re apart.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know, I will
I will.

With all this fever in my mind I could aim for your kerosene eyes
Oh, you're just a target in the sky

;)

You did that for me.

I knew from the moment i read it.

myspace songs are for you, status' usually.. for you, heart.. for you.

oh blah blah blah its fucking cold outside

your phone does not exist at the moment

give me a time to call and i will.

you have sucha lovely voice.